Expectations & Goals

"Success is sweeter when you've tasted what's bitter."

…do you know the feeling when you try hard for something because someone expects you to get a hold of that something, and ends up expecting that you can obtain it? Complicating and puzzling…that’s how it is. Upsetting and hard to comprehend – and worst, I’m dying in here enduring the bitter taste of accepting defeat – not in the rankings, but defeat of my hopes – and depreciation.

One week ago – I hardly sleep at all. Projects and exams were all ahead. Tuesday, March 17, 2009, we had our defense for our investigatory project in chemistry – ours, featured the use of radish extract as insecticide. The next day, the top 15 – including me, focused on our extracurricular certifications to pass. And just today, March 19, 2009 that the rankings were presented to us. The results were not that official, but I assume – rather, the faculty and us – that these were close to the authenticity. I, due to expectations from my mother and from myself to, can hardly accept the fact that I was not able to enter the top 10. I was top 11, on the final grading. My extracurricular won’t help me either, because only to those who belong in the top ten were to be computed 70-30. Not that I can’t accept the fact that I was overcome but what I cannot accept is the fact that I worked hard, tried my best, but gained nothing. What I fear, is how my parents will react with it.

I waited whole day for the confirmation. Thinking, and well, expecting again, that I will be able to be on the top ten. But my hopes were again shattered. When I came home, my mother was already there to talk to me.

I can’t finish this anymore. Gawd. I’m so tired. But whatever they may say, I knew and believe, that I did my best. I worked hard. I believe I tried everything not for me, but for other people…yet my best wasn’t good enough. But whatever I achieve, it’s God’s purpose. Lesson learned: “Wishing will not come true without your own striving.”

Stop comparing me with other people. Because, I’m not gonna be like them, nor will I ever wish to be like them. This coming school year, I will do all my best, for myself. I will do all my best to achieve what I want. From now on, it’s for me.

"No one knows how to run your life better than you do."